Pandemic/Parenthood Interview: Lydia Beebe Safulko
It’s no secret that the pandemic has taken its toll on mothers, as for many of us our lives have shifted in new ways to make room for caring/teaching/coping with our children at home all the time. I’m sharing some interviews with other professional women I’ve photographed to inspire, uplift anyone who might need it, and validate the struggle it can be to wear so many hats.
“We all understand the value of support, love, seeing others, a hug. Thank god we didn’t lose anyone in our family, or any friends. I think we are all just so thankful to have each other. That’s definitely another silver lining.”
Meet Lydia Beebe Safulko. In her words:
I work as a Wealth Fiduciary Advisor for Wilmington Trust/M&T Bank (a fancy way of saying I manage people’s trust accounts). I graduated from law school in 2012 and immediately went to work at a large local law firm. I was there for 5 years or so until I had my son (he will be 4 on July 31), at which point I realized I didn’t want the burden of “law firm” life while also being a parent (billable hour requirements, working weekends, missing events, etc). I moved over to M&T in March of 2018. It was a very good switch for me and my family. We now also have a daughter, born in November 2019, right before the pandemic. My husband and I will have been married 5 years this September.
How has your life/practice/work changed since March of 2020?
Everything has changed, haha. But my daughter’s birth contributed to that greatly. She was born at 27 weeks (3 months early), on November 30, 2019, the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I called my doctor because I hadn’t felt her move in a little bit, and since their office was closed, they sent me to Children’s Hospital to have an ultrasound, just to make sure everything was ok. I drove down there blissfully unaware that I was an hour or so away from an emergency c-section. It turns out I had preeclampsia, and HELLP (a more advanced form of preeclampsia, basically). My liver was shutting down and my blood pressure was sky rocketing. My poor husband got a call from a nurse that our baby who was supposed to be born in February was actually going to be born immediately and he had to rip our sweaty two-and-half-year old out of the tunnels at Billy Beez and speed to the hospital.
Alma was born weighing 1 pound 5 ounces. She was smaller than I could even imagine. I was released from the hospital after a few days, but she stayed there until March of 2020. For the next four months, my life revolved around daily trips to the hospital, pumping and freezing milk (she wouldn’t be able to take breastmilk through her feeding tubes until at least a month after she was born), calling the hospital at night before I went to bed, and trying not to cry all the time. And also trying to be present for our son, who had a little sister he never got to see and parents who were gone in shifts.
It was hard. Hopefully the hardest thing we will ever have to do. Alma came home at the end of March 2020, just as everything was beginning to shut down from the pandemic. In fact, I think they probably sent us home a bit early to make sure her little lungs weren’t exposed to Covid (it was still so early on in the pandemic and no one knew much about it). We brought her home right into 100 days stuck at home with our almost 3 year old, Henry (his daycare and both of our offices were closed because of Covid). I transitioned from my extended disability leave to working from home full time with my husband, our son, and a tiny baby on oxygen all at home. It wasn’t ideal.
Alma is now 19 months (though developmentally more like 15), and totally healthy. We are so lucky. She started going to daycare twice a week in June, and is with my mother-in-law once a week. She is home with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and as you can imagine, it’s getting harder and harder to get work done during normal hours. She also still sees three specialists a week. Thankfully I have a very understanding employer.
Looking back on the past year, can you share a few highlights of:
Silver linings of the pandemic:
A silver lining would definitely be the time at home together. I mean don’t get me wrong– it was absolutely brutal at times. But I tried to remind myself how this is time that we would never have again, all four of us home, spending our days together. It also coincided with my son transitioning from a toddler to a kid. It was really interesting. He was 2.5 and in diapers at the beginning of the pandemic, and he’s potty trained and almost 4 now. He dresses himself. He gets his own snacks. He’s no longer a baby. And I’m really glad we got to spend so much time together during that phase.
The other silver lining is my new business, Roaring Spring Vintage. I started selling vintage housewares and furniture this past March, on Instagram and on Etsy. I needed a creative outlet. I was beginning to feel that I was losing myself a bit. This has been a way for me to feel useful, have my own thing. It has brought its own challenges, and I’m still figuring out how to fit the business in with my family life and my full time job, but it’s something that I’m proud of.
The challenging/horrible moments that you overcame:
In addition to everything we went through with Alma in the hospital, coming home and not being able to see family and friends, have them meet her, or even have someone watch the kids for a few hours – that was so hard. My husband and I are probably still recovering from the whole thing, starting from November 2019. Also, to top things off, we both came down with Covid around Labor Day of 2020, and spent a week miserable and exhausted, taking shifts to parent and shifts to sleep. The kids didn’t get it, thankfully, but we were so afraid to give it to Alma that we wore N-95 masks when holding her or feeding her. That was especially brutal.
How has your community changed over the past year?
I think we have all gotten closer. We all understand the value of support, love, seeing others, a hug. Thank god we didn’t lose anyone in our family, or any friends. I think we are all just so thankful to have each other. That’s definitely another silver lining.
What do you do to fill your cup/keep yourself sane?
Well, starting Roaring Spring Vintage has definitely helped, though I will admit it’s only made me busier and more insane, haha. I was in therapy for a while after Almas birth- that was amazing and I highly recommend it. I try to exercise, I like to cook, and I try to sleep literally any chance I can get. Also, seeing family and friends really fills my cup.
If you could go back to last March, what would your present-day self offer as advice?
It’s going to be ok. Don’t forget to keep perspective.
