It’s no secret that the pandemic has taken its toll on mothers, as for many of us our lives have shifted in new ways to make room for caring/teaching/coping with our children at home all the time. I’m sharing some interviews with other professional women I’ve photographed to inspire, uplift anyone who might need it, and validate the struggle it can be to wear so many hats.

“I honestly don’t know what life with two kids under two would have been like before the pandemic so I can’t say if it’s better or worse. It’s hard. It’s so hard. It was especially hard during the winter because our house is small and it felt like we were all on top of each other all the time. It was bananas. But we are very happily coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary and it seems like the kids are thriving, so I think we have made it to this point as well as we could have.”

— Natasha Dalley

Meet Natasha Dalley, a writer, (commercial) model, compliance advisor, and owner of a whimsical forest island.

My name is Natasha Dalley and my kids are Miles (2 1/2 years old) and Camille (born July 2020). In March 2020…whew…well, I was pregnant in March. I have a picture I took in the work bathroom mirror at 21 weeks and 5 days, right before we started working from home. Once the pandemic started, Miles was 16 months old and stopped going to daycare part time, and was only going to my parents’ house a couple days a week. That was difficult. Getting substantive work done with a 16-month-old at home is laughable. I worked up until my scheduled c-section on Tuesday, July 14th, 2020.

For this to make sense, I have to go back a few years to when I was pregnant with Miles to explain the impact of my pregnancy with Camille during Covid. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Anxiety. During my pregnancy with Miles, my doctors and I agreed that I should continue taking my medication during my pregnancy. I did. They were concerned that I would have Postpartum Depression (PPD), as was I. I was also really terrified about the state of maternal health and mortality rates among black women. My husband is white. We had a few conversations where I told him if they (the doctors, nurses, etc.) don’t listen to me, I needed him to tell them. I needed him to make them listen.

At that time, it seemed that the topic of black maternal health was being addressed slightly more due to Serena Williams’ birth story and Beyonce’s birth story. But, I knew regular women like myself (read: not celebrities) were dying much more frequently than makes any type of logical sense given the state of medicine these days. I knew about PPD, so I did not expect to have severe anxiety and depression during my pregnancy. At about 3 or 4 months pregnant with Miles, my husband had a work trip to Greece for a few weeks. I was working and I felt perfectly fine about him leaving. The first week was fine, and then it hit me like a freight train. One tiny, little, seemingly insignificant thing on top of a mountain of tiny insignificant things (I couldn’t find the location for a prenatal yoga class so I missed taking the class with my friend) and I lost it. I called my psychiatrist and my mom and had her take me to the Erie County Medical Center Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program (ECMC CPEP) to check myself in. It was an awful experience. I didn’t know what to be on the lookout for so when I had intense feelings I didn’t know how to deal with, I ran to where I thought I could/should go. My husband took the first flight home and I got released on the second day of my stay.

Natasha Dalley photographed with daughter, Camille, on her whimsical forest island in Williamsville, NY, 2021.

The reason that I went through that paragraph above is that all of that was on my mind when I was pregnant with Camille. I honestly didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself for making it through my pregnancy with Camille without having serious mental health issues. With the addition of the isolation due to the pandemic, going through new struggles I never encountered before while being pregnant, having a child under 2, not knowing if I’d be able to have my mom with me at the hospital, not knowing how the experience would be because things were constantly changing, still working full time, being black, (talk about ramping up anxiety, I definitely cut off some family members and “friends” during that time)…it was just too much. But, I made it. I clearly recall a period of time where I had identical feelings to those that I had when I went to ECMC CPEP during my first pregnancy and I said to my husband, “I recognize that I am having the same feelings. I know that feelings are not facts. I think I can get through this as long as I don’t panic.” And it was ok. Honestly and thankfully considering all of the exterior circumstances my pregnancy with Camille was pretty low key. When she was born, they had to take her straight to the NICU but she got out that evening. Not being able to see her when she was born was kind of a low point. But everything ended up fine.

How has your life/practice/work changed?

It’s funny because I work for the same employer that I have had since 2015 but I changed departments in the summer of 2019. So, being within the first year of having a new position and working from home was kind of wild. When we first started working from home, I hated it. I’ve always loved the routine of going to work and having my space and being social. At the time we started working from home, we were in a smaller bedroom on our second floor that barely fit a small desk and chair, our bed, a dresser, and a pack n’ play. It was overwhelming. Over time we moved up to the 3rd floor of our house and while we still have desks in our bedroom, now we can easily fit two with chairs and there is an incredible amount of space. I feel like I can successfully separate my work space from my sleep space (ok, maybe 90% of the time successfully) even though they are in the same room. I love working from home now. I think that once we got used to our new routines, having two small children, and figuring out a new schedule with daycare and my parents’ caring for the children as well, I started to see so many positive things.

To name a few:

I can throw in a load of laundry or take care of another small chore so we aren’t chore hoarding until the weekend (benefit to all of us because more fun family time on the weekend).
I eat better and save money because I’m not running out to get lunch from the places near my office or coffee or snacks.
I exercise more! Some days it is only 15-20 minutes but I will jump on the spin bike or take a walk.
I am more focused. Listen, I’m a social butterfly, I love to chat and at the office it was so easy to run into friends and do just that. At home, yes I miss that sometimes but for the most part, I think it’s easier to be more productive. There are definitely fewer distractions.
No commute = more quality time with my family. That’s a huge win in my book.
Saving money and anxiety surrounding work clothes! We had moved to wearing more casual clothing at work but still there is a stark difference between work clothes and home clothes. I didn’t have to worry about nothing fitting when I went back to work, buying new things, or what I even looked like (unless I was on camera for a meeting). That is also a boost to productivity in my book!
No cubicle= more humane! I get sunlight now. Yay!

I honestly don’t know what life with two kids under two would have been like before the pandemic so I can’t say if it’s better or worse. It’s hard. It’s so hard. It was especially hard during the winter because our house is small and it felt like we were all on top of each other all the time. It was bananas. But we are very happily coming up on our 2nd wedding anniversary and it seems like the kids are thriving, so I think we have made it to this point as well as we could have.

How has your community changed over the past year?

It has been heartbreaking seeing everyone struggle through things where normally we could provide in person support to one another. What is top of mind is my grandfather, a couple friends, and close friend’s family members dying and, in many cases, due to restrictions, not being able to see people in the hospital or in their homes. Not being able to properly celebrate the greatness of their lives, their achievements, and how much they impacted their own communities feels like it leaves a hole in the grieving process. On the other end of the spectrum, it’s also been sad to not be able to celebrate all the births, welcome visitors, have help, give help, support one another, and welcome new lives. It does feel like through everything, that people in our community have adapted to do their best to handle what comes and help each other navigate where we started through where we are at this present moment.

What do you do to fill your cup/keep yourself sane?

I’m still working on this. My cup has often been bone dry for interminable periods of time. I have re-committed to my writing (short stories and flash fiction) and to exercising via walking or riding my spin bike. Even if it is only 15-20 minutes a day, I try to get in one or both. Joining the Conqueror Challenge has been really helpful to keeping me on task with getting in my miles and the enormous community of fellow participants is quite inspiring.

If you could go back to last March, what would your present-day self offer as advice?

Bring all your things home from work, it’s going to be more than a few weeks! Also, have as much patience with yourself as you give to your children, you deserve it, and this is going to be a long, uncertain journey for everyone.

Pandemic/Parenthood Interview: Natasha Dalley

Meet Natasha Dalley, a writer, (commercial) model, compliance advisor, and owner of a whimsical forest island.

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